A word we are all too familiar with, as artists and emotional, conceptual beings. We analyse. What can I do to be a better person? They, he, she is better than me. What’s ‘better’? and from who’s perspective is one person a successor of life over another being. Over the past few months I’ve been profusely comparing, to the point I sit and wonder why I am so against my own life. I am against my own life because I’m comparing. It’s a vicious yet contagious circle. Through the winter months and towards the end of 2015 I’d almost given up on my dreams. As many will have felt those awful feelings before, it’s less of failure and more of a serial questioning. What do I need to do next to get to where I want to be. I want to be where my peers are, and how have they got there? I’d compare my surroundings. But I’m not where I want to be, why? Because I wasn’t in the area I needed to be, why?
One day I was sat completing outstanding work for clients and I realised. Every time I’d get myself a drink or make myself food. I was walking in the same direction. That was up towards a room (my office) that I’d been sat in for days on end. Days when sometimes I wouldn’t see daylight. No wonder I was comparing, I wanted a life that I wasn’t even trying to live. I’m sure I’ve had these feelings before, back when my life was heading in the ‘wrong’ direction. There is no wrong direction though. There is only a direction in which we, as personal beings, can enable changes. And that’s when I knew I had to.
I decided to surrender. Not my dreams but all my fears and comparisons. I don’t trust myself when I’m in that state of mind, and therefore I give up on it.
This image is a second instalment from the Let’s Get Creative project. The word of the month of February was: Local. I don’t think you can get more local than the forest down the road from my house and the local emotions that I’ve been all too familiar with in the past year or so.
I filmed the making of this from my Go Pro and so there will be a a behind the scenes video up on my youtube channel in the next few days. The link is here: YOUTUBE 😀